Elegant Pamper
Newcastle Herald
Saturday July 22, 2000
LET me tell you something: After 12 years of
driving other peoples' cars I have heard every Volvo joke going.
Now let me tell you something else: The joke is well and truly on those who have bagged the big Swede over the years.
Okay, I'll admit that, for a while there, Volvo lost the plot with a string of boxy, underpowered sedans, almost always white and driven by people who probably should not have been driving.
Thankfully most of them seem to have migrated to Mitsubishi Magnas, but that is another story for another day.
Volvo. Is it Swedish for 'quiet and quick'? It could be if the company's S80 T6 SE flagship can be used as any sort of measure.
The S80 reflects the changes made over the years at Volvo where conservatism has been swept aside, replaced by a keenness to compete against the world's best with elegantly styled, well-performing cars.
So what is this S80 T6 SE? To get an idea it is best to understand Volvo's coding. 'S' means it is a sedan, '80' is its series designation (40 is compact, 70 is medium and 80 is biggish), 'T' means its engine is turbocharged and '6' denotes the number of cylinders (which also explains the T4 and T5 designations of the lesser cars in the stable).
And unless Volvo interprets 'SE' to mean Swedish Elegance then no amount of badging can explain, unless it is written in enough chromed bold script to cover the entire bootlid, that the S80 T6 SE is also the most luxurious of the three 80-series cars on offer, as its $95,938 price tag suggests.
The steering wheel, for example, has controls for the phone (the keypad is on the dash), cruise control and basic audio controls.
The steering column is adjustable for height and reach and the driver's seat is electrically adjustable in every useful direction.
Leather and woodwork abound in the sumptuous interior and I can assure you, cattle and trees surrendered their lives for a good cause.
The big seats are sink-in squishy, the controls laid out logically (have you ever met an illogical Swede?) and everything is harmonious in a subliminally feng shui kind of way.
While the interior is indeed luxurious it also has a distinct sparseness to it in a style which is peculiar to some European luxury cars. Volvo seems keen to let the world know that the S80 T6 SE has everything it needs to have, and what it has it will do its best to make discreet.
Even the engine. Where most car makers would do their level best to let the whole world know that 200kW of 2.8 litre, twin-turbo-charged, straight six lay under the long bonnet Volvo seems content to let drivers discover it in their own sweet time.
Not that it is a raging powerhouse. Just the opposite, in fact, with silken performance controlled by a gentle throttle and an automatic gearbox which can be left to its own devices or slipped into a secondary position where it becomes virtually a clutchless sequential
manual shifter.
To contain the twin-turbo urge four very large disc brakes were fitted and to make sure it stops good and true an extra precaution was added in the form of anti-lock brakes.
Of course Volvo does not go out of its way to overtly promote the missile-like acceleration and awesome stopping power of its big car. No. It prefers to let its owners find out in their own sweet time.
To give Mr and Mrs Executive and the little Executives a quiet, fuss-free ride the Swedish decision makers equipped their top-of-the-line toy with independent suspension and the result is akin to floating on a fairly firm cloud.
Power, luxury, ride quality. Could something be missing?
Alas, in its haste to create a worthwhile executive express Volvo forgot to plug in the 'great handling' chip, which means whenever anyone starts to get serious with the T6 they better have an idea of what they are up to.
Chucking 1700kg at the nearest corner can leave the incautious a little bit at sea, especially when 200kW is shoved through the front wheels in anger.
The power steering is extremely light with little road feel and at times I was left to wonder whether or not Volvo actually made the car deliberately soft.
After all, the company's super computer is sure to know every nuance of its buyer demographic and the information it probably gives is that Volvo S80 T6 SE owners are no-nonsense types who want their car to pamper them.
After a few days of being finessed and caressed by the car I know I could fit into that mindset.
© 2000 Newcastle Herald